The Adventures in Texting
by dellastreet
Summary: John and Sherlock texting each other about adventures they have when they are not together. All the texts from Sherlock and John are all improvised by my friend and I. We will try and have new chapters every week. Sherlolly will come into play later on, soooo no Johnlock... but there is a lot of Mycake and John/Jam. Forgive us for some of the OOC.
1. Chapter 1

My friend Lily and I decided to text as Sherlock and John and this is the result. If things go as planned we will post more on a weekly basis. Enjoy :)

Sherlock is **bold** and John is _italicized_

_I'm bored._

**I was solving a murder. I do not care about how you amuse yourself. SH**

_Fine then I shan't be your cheerleader anymore._

**No. I enjoy your expressions of awe when I brilliantly solve a case, but boredom for someone with a low intellect can find amusement in trivial things. I need work to abate my boredom.**

_Or shooting walls with my gun_

_Or painting smiley faces on walls_

**Well when there are no cases…**

_Oh, also I removed the head from the fridge_

**No John! That was an experiment to calculate the amount of saliva the mouth produces after death. You ruined my work.**

_I'm glad. Maybe you should get a hobby_

**Hobbies are for the mundane. Though bee keeping is a fascination.**

_No. You can't bring bees into the flat._

**You bring stupid women into the flat. They sting you as much as my bees.**

_Ouch…_

**Not good?**

_A bit not good_

**Hmmm**

_….._

**Murder :D!**

_Stop being all excited about murder. It's not decent._

**It's my job**

_And it's my job to treat people yet you don't seen me getting excited when someone's hurt_

**You don't know how to be excited.**

_I have to go, a patient just walked in._


	2. Sherlock's Skull is Missing

Thank you everyone, for reading our first chapter! We appreciate our reviewer as well. You are awesome! These texts are some of our favorites, so enjoy! And again **Sherlock **is bold and _John_ is italic.

* * *

**Where did you put my skull? Were you jealous of us because I took him on an investigation instead of you? SH**

_You had an investigation? And no, I didn't take him, Mrs. Hudson must've._

**Don't be a child, I know you have him.**

_Why would I take him?_

**Because that is where I keep my cigarettes. I need them.**

_You said you quit._

**I still need them.**

_Nope, you cannot have them, they are bad for you._

**You only live once, John.**

_Apparently you don't._

**You still hold that over me. It was only three years.**

_Yes, I still hold that over you, but if you really wish I will find your damn skull when I get back home._

**Good. I knew you would see it my way. Which is the right way.**

_Are they for an experiment?_

**Sure, to see how nicotine keeps me alert and focused for a case.**

_I see that you've learned sarcasm now._

**Don't be naïve.**

_I guess that means Lestrade will be cigarette free longer than you._

**No Lestrade was smoking one outside a pub last night.**

_Oh? Is he alright?_

**Of course, his wife is leaving him. Apparently that makes him upset.**

_Did you say anything to him? Also I'm on my to the store, do you need anything?_

**I told him, that is why he was smoking, I presume. Was that bad? We need milk and jam. You ate all the jam. You really need to control that and cake. Mycroft came over.**

_Yes that was bad. Are you sure that we need milk?_

**Yes we need milk. I didn't pick up milk the last time you told me to.**

_Sigh… I also presume that you haven't found the skull?_

**I found it but my cigarettes were not there.**

_Hmmm I wonder what could have happened to them?_

**I found them in your room. You are horrible at hiding things John.**

_And yet you wanted me back to find them for you. Also stay out of my room._

**Bored! I need more ammo for the gun. I used it all on the wall.**

_No, I refuse to buy more ammo for you._

**God! What if a criminal comes into our flat?**

_Use your harpoon._

_Or your massive intellect._

**Mrs. Hudson made me get rid of it.**

_Of your massive intellect? Do tell me how she did that._

**What are you implying?**

_Nothing, nothing at all._

**I can understand sarcasm John.**

_Really?_

**I am tired of this conversation. It is just mindless rambling. Goodbye John. **


	3. Coffee, Cake, and Random Texting

Hey everyone thank you so very much for reading our story. With the past two chapters we forgot to put in the standard disclaimer stating that we do own the characters that we are using, nor do we profit from these stories.

* * *

**John, Molly just text me. What do I do?-SH**

_What did the text say?_

**Hi.**

_Well, most people would text back hello_

**What does she want John?**

_To converse with you_

**I text her back and I think she passed out. I have not heard from her.**

_What did you say?_

**Hello Molly :D. I thought the smiley face would be appropriate.**

_It is. Has she responded yet?_

**No.**

_Are you sure that you didn't send anything else? Also, someone keeps sending me pictures of cake._

**She just text me, if I wanted to get coffee. I said why would she get me coffee this late at night?**

_Well, she was flirting with you._

_Also, I'm still getting pictures of cake._

**What? Flirting? Molly likes me? You must be wrong. We are friends.**

**Mycroft must be looking up cake and wants you to make him one. He is too lazy to do it himself.**

_I thought you didn't have friends_

**I have one, but Molly is a necessary friend. She has the dead bodies.**

_She has a crush on you_

**She is just being nice by giving me dead bodies to experiment on.**

_If you don't believe me then ask Lestrade_

**Molly Hooper is nicer than Irene. I'm starting to get pictures of cakes as well.**

_What kind of cakes?_

**All kinds of cake with icing flowers**

_Couldn't Mycroft buy cake?_

**He won't leave the Diogenes Club.**

_Couldn't he have it delivered?_

**He wants you to deliver. Now Molly is sending me a photo of her cat. This is going too far…**

_Lol_

**What is funny about Molly showing her cat to me?**

_She likes you. Tell her that her cat is cute_

**It is a cat. It is not cute. Why would she send a picture of a cat?**

_Because she likes you_

**Showing affection is showing pictures of pets? I don't have a pet to take a picture of to give to Molly.**

_What's the next closest thing that you have to a pet?_

**My skull or you.**

_Not me… the skull isn't too good either… maybe you should get a pet?_

**No. They are stupid but a dog trained to follow scents would be most useful.**

_What about a pet rock?_

**A pet rock is for irresponsible children.**

_Precisely_

**…**

**Not funny John.**

_Fine, maybe a hedgehog_

**I do like hedgehogs and I have a strange liking to otters as well.**

_No otters_

**Why?**

_We don't have the room_

**Fine.**

_I'm sleepy Sherlock and you need rest too_

**Fine. Goodbye John… I mean goodnight.**

_Night… you aren't disappearing are you?_

**Of course not.**

_Ok then. See you later_

**Laterz!**


	4. Avoiding the Question

Hey everyone, sorry that it's been so long since we last updated but college really has gotten in my (dellastreet) way. I have some excellent news, for those of you who don't know, my cohort in crime the Sherlock to my John has finally gotten her very own fanfiction account. She is ducktiny and has already posted a texting story between Sherlock and Molly that relates (a little) to the previous chapter of this story. I strongly suggest that you and read it, it's fantastic.

Sherlock is in **bold** and John is in _italics_

**Disclaimer**: I in no way shape or form own or profit from this.

* * *

_Sherlock why is your skull in my bed?_

**I have no idea what you are talking about. SH**

_Yorick is in my bed_

**He must have been cold.**

_That's all fine and dandy but how did he get there?_

**Make a deduction John. It's easy, even for your mind.**

_I know you put him there. I would like to know why_

**Well, Molly asked if I have ever pulled a practical joke on you. Of course I have not because it is for children, but Molly thought it would be funny if I put Yorick in your bed.**

**I did find it somewhat amusing.**

_I really dislike you some days_

**You should direct your anger at Molly. It was her idea.**

_Yes it was her idea but you were the one who put the skull in my bed_

**Are you really this upset over a skull placed under the sheets of your bed?**

_It was the perfect ending to a perfect day_

**Sarcasm? It is hard to determine it over a text messages.**

_Yes it was sarcasm. Today was terrible and the skull didn't make it any better_

**My day was eventful, since you are feeling sorry for yourself and did not ask.**

_That's good did you and Molly get coffee?_

**Yes, it was strange though. She laughed at everything I said. I do not know what she was trying to accomplish.**

_She likes you_

**You have already elaborated that John.**

_That's why she was laughing_

**Women are strange.**

_Do you like her?_

**She is reliable and was there for me for three years.**

_I suppose so. But you didn't answer my question_

**So why was your day horrible?**

_It's not like you to ask how my day was. _

**You are avoiding my question now.**

_Really? I hadn't noticed_

**Did your girlfriend break up with you? She was seeing her ex-boyfriend behind your back.**

_Yes, I found that out today_

**Took you awhile. I have known for weeks.**

_Yes well it's kind of hard to miss them snogging right in front of me_

**Oh too bad…**

_Yeah my thoughts exactly_

**She is an idiot.**

_So are most people according to you_

**She is more of a moron because of what she did.**

_Thank you_

**Don't get sentimental.**

_I wasn't. I was being polite_

**Well, okay.**

_Lestrade says that you need to text him back_

**No. He has nothing interesting to say.**

_He says it's very important_

**I don't care. It is not about a case so I do not care.**

_What's it about, then?_

**Something about Molly being distracted, I don't really care.**

_You might want to care if Molly gets in trouble for being distracted then you might lose your source of dead bodies_

**Lestrade said it was my fault for Molly's distraction.**

_Why did he blame you?_

**Because I went to get coffee with her and we have been texting all day.**

_What have you been texting about?_

**Things.**

_Ok, well maybe the two of you should consider not texting so much while she's at work_

**But I get bored and Mrs. Hudson took the ammo away.**

_Yes, but Molly needs to work_

**Fine.**

_So what things were you talking about with her?_

**She talks about her family and I text back.**

_Ok, well I'm off to go drink away my sorrow_

**Don't overdo it like last time when you passed out on the floor in front of my room.**

_I'll try not to. Although I still can't believe you left me there and then hit me in the head with your door_

**What else was I supposed to do? Move you? Be reasonable John.**

_You could've not hit me in the head with your door_

**Goodnight John.**

_Night Sherlock you should get some sleep_

**Of course.**


	5. Of Jumpers and Kidnapping

Sherlock is in **bold** and John is in _italics_.

I am so sorry for how long it has taken to post this chapter but life decided to get in the way. Ducktiny and I would like to thank the people who have reviewed and followed and favorited our story. If there is anything that you would like to see us do in these texts any situations or things like that please send it to me in a review and we will attempt to work it in.

**Disclaimer: **Neither ducktiny nor I (dellastreet) own or profit from these stories. We sadly do not own the characters that are represented nor anything else recognizable.

* * *

_My jumper is missing_

**And this concerns me how? SH**

[some time later]

**Did Mycroft kidnap you?**

_Yes, he said that you won't return his calls. Apparently I can't leave until you do._

**My brother can be dramatic.**

_He says the same about you_

**Tell him, I will not call him.**

_Why should I?_

**Because I will not cave in to his demands.**

_So I'm stuck here forever?_

**Don't be so dramatic.**

_I'm dramatic? You're the one refusing to talk to his brother._

**He is demanding that I take a case and I am busy.**

_Doing what?_

**Nothing that concerns Mycroft.**

_Texting Molly?_

**No. I'm at Bart's with Molly doing an experiment.**

_Does it involve kissing or flirting?_

**What? Of course not John!**

_Sorry, Mycroft took my phone_

**I am annoyed with you texting me, so I'm calling Mycroft.**

_What did I do?_

**Molly said I have to apologize to you. It is not your fault you got kidnapped.**

_It's ok_

**You're no longer under Mycroft's control?**

_He let me go_

**Good.**

_I'm glad_

**Molly says Hi.**

_Tell Molly that I say hi_

**Mycroft said I should not be talking to Molly. I do not know the reason for that. Do you have a suggestion as to why Mycroft would say that?**

_Did he say anything else?_

**No.**

_Did you ask him?_

**No. I said shut up and my life is no concern of his.**

_Maybe he's worried_

**Worried? He is being mother.**

_Yes, and I see why that would be annoying_

**Yes.**

_So, do you know what happened to my jumper?_

**You have 20 jumpers, how would I know which jumper is gone?**

_My striped one. Do you know what happened to it?_

**Oh, I threw it out. It is hideous.**

_Why would you do that?_

**It was an eyesore. I do not know why you would wear it in public.**

_It was comfy_

**It was ugly.**

_You owe me a new one_

**No, I will not buy you a new one. You have enough jumpers.**

_But you got rid of one of my favorites. It is only fair if you get me a new one_

**You are insufferable.**

_That's like the pot calling the kettle black_

…


	6. It's Bright Pink

**Disclaimer: **Neither ducktiny nor I (dellastreet) own or profit from these stories. We sadly do not own the characters that are represented nor anything else recognizable.

Sherlock is in **bold** and John is in _italics_.

_Why is there a bright pink jumper on my bed?_

**It is your new jumper. Lestrade helped me pick it out. SH**

_Was he sober? _

**No, he is still upset over his wife for some strange reason.**

_It isn't a strange reason_

**I don't understand it, but back to the jumper. Lestrade thought the jumper would look good on you. I was annoyed by your constant complaining about the jumper so I bought one.**

_It is bright pink_

**I wear purple and it could constitute as a feminine ****colour****, so I believe you can wear pink.**

_Yes, I could wear pink but normally men don't wear pink_

**God this conversation is pointless. Who cares about fashion? I need to erase this from my mind.**

_If you wish. I'm going to bed_

**Good I need to go to my mind palace anyway.**

_You should sleep_

**Slept last night.**

_For how long?_

**Too long. About 2 hours.**

_No, that's not long enough_

**I do not need sleep like you.**

_Ok_

**Goodnight John.**

_Night_


	7. Always Bring a Scarf to a Date

Hey guys! Thank you for reading and a special thank you to those who have followed, favorited, and reviewed the story.

* * *

**My scarf is gone. SH**

_That's not good_

_Sherlock? Are you still there?_

**I cannot find my scarf.**

_Where do you last remember having it?_

**It's missing John!**

_You don't remember where you last had it, do you?_

**I took it off where I always do and it is no longer there.**

_I don't know where it is. Have you asked Mrs. Hudson?_

**Of course I have. She has no idea and then she yelled at me for throwing items across the room.**

_What were you throwing? And could Mycroft have taken it?_

**I was searching for my scarf and I had to move items across the room. Mycroft is a suspect, but his motive is unclear.**

_You do realize that there is a difference between moving things and throwing things, right?_

_Also, why are you texting me at work?_

**I have somewhere to be and throwing is faster.**

_Where do you have to be? And why can't you just wear another scarf?_

**You are not busy, and you are on the internet.**

_Or not wear a scarf?_

_How do you know that I'm on the internet?_

**Not wearing a scarf? It is cold John and where I have to me is none of your concern. I only have one scarf.**

**When you are bored you go to the internet, obviously.**

_Are you going to see Molly?_

**Very good John. You are actually right about something.**

_Hmmm is it a date?_

_Also, sarcasm doesn't become you_

**What constitutes as a date?**

_Why?_

**Dates are not my division.**

_Well, what are you and Molly going to do?_

**We are going to a place that Molly said she likes. It is a restaurant and she walked in the door and I have no scarf.**

_I do believe that counts as a date. And scarves aren't mandatory. Have fun_

_Is this you're first date?_

_I mean your_

**Fun is solving a murder. I don't think I will be solving a murder unfortunately.**

**Your grammar needs work and I don't know if it is a first date.**

_I'm fairly positive that you are on a date. And towards that end we should stop texting._

**Why?**

_It's impolite_

**Molly had my scarf, apparently I left it at her flat.**

_Really? And you forgot it? What had you so distracted? ;)_

**I am never distracted and a wink? What does that mean?**

_You're the consulting detective, so detect_

**Mocking me does not help. You believe Molly and I did something, you are wrong.**

_I wasn't mocking you. I was teasing friends do that to each other from time to time_

**I think it's childish.**

_Well, then I suppose I apologize_

**Good. Molly just told me that she wants to talk… I guess I will talk to you later.**

_Ok, bye_


	8. Jam Emergency

Hey everyone here's another addition to the story. Ducktiny and I would like to thank everyone who has favorited, followed, or placed this story on their alert list, it really means a lot. Ducktiny and I would like to let y'all know that we would love suggestions on anything you might like to Sherlock or John text about, if we think we can do the idea justice we will try. Oh, and be sure to check out ducktiny's Sherlolly story too!

* * *

**John eats all the jam… SH**

_Sherlock, did you mean to text me?_

**What do you mean?**

_Well you did say "John eats all the jam" and you normally don't use 3__rd__ person when talking to me._

**That was meant for someone else. Disregard that.**

_I figured as much. Btw I don't eat all the jam_

**Yes you did. I was actually going to eat but all the jam was gone.**

_Really? You could go and buy more_

**You are out, you buy the jam.**

_I'm at work_

**You can get out of that.**

_No I can't. You know that_

**You left for your girlfriend when she asked.**

_She had an emergency. You do not_

**It is an emergency.**

_Are you bleeding? Is the flat on fire? Did you break a bone? Is it a life and death emergency?_

**No, but you need to buy jam.**

_That isn't an emergency. You are fully capable of buying jam on your own_

**I don't want to.**

_Ask Mrs. Hudson_

**She is not here. I am alone.**

_Remind me why you can't get jam on your own?_

**I am busy and people are annoying.**

_What are you busy doing?_

**I am reading.**

_So all you are doing is reading and you want me to leave work to get you jam?_

**Yes.**

_I'm not leaving work to get you jam_

**You are selfish.**

_How am I selfish?_

**You will not get jam and you have not been on a case because of your job.**

_That doesn't make me selfish_

**Yes it does and I'll get Molly to do it.**

_Ask Molly if it makes me selfish_

**She said that I am selfish and she will not get me jam.**

_I told you so_

**You are both wrong.**

_Nope_

**I will still not get the jam or the milk.**

_Are we out of milk?_

**Yes.**

_Didn't I just get some a few days ago?_

**Yes, the same time you got jam.**

_When I'm gone do you just chug milk?_

**No, I do like milk, though, because I do not have to eat when I drink milk.**

_You should still eat even when you drink milk_

**I am ok not eating.**

_Sure_

**Your sarcasm is growing tiresome.**

_Well your selfishness is frustrating_

**That was harsh John.**

_Sometimes the truth hurts_

**You just do not understand me John.**

_Few people do. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings_

**You did not 'hurt' my feelings.**

_Well, then I apologize for the harshness of my earlier statement_

**I knew you would see it my way and I hope this means you will buy the jam and milk.**

_No it doesn't_

**No jam for you then. If you can survive.**

_Who says I don't have a secret supply stashed away somewhere?_

**I know you don't. I looked in your room.**

_Who said it was in the flat?_

**You have a problem.**

_What problem would that be?_

**Your addiction to jam. Molly is in agreement with me.**

_I don't have an addiction_

**Denial.**

_Are you really going to lecture me about addictions?_

**I am over my addictions.**

_Even smoking?_

**That is in progress.**

_That's an addiction_

**Fine, you caught me in a lie.**

**I have a case! Meet me at Baker Street. Or is your job too important?**

_I've finished for the day. See you soon._


	9. A Minor British Official

Oops, I posted the wrong chapter this is the correct one. Please forgive me!

* * *

_Sherlock, a certain minor official in the British government has kidnapped me. From work just fyi. Please answer his phone calls_

**God Mycroft is intolerable. I will answer his phone calls. SH**

_Oh, wait he has some yummy looking jam, take your time._

**Really John? Why did he kidnap you in the first place? He does not have a case for me, so why do I need to call him?**

_How should I know why he kidnapped me? But for now I am content to stay where there is yummy jam_

**He must have told you and why does my brother have jam?**

_I'm completely positive that he hasn't told me. And why wouldn't he have jam? It's delicious_

**John, you are the only person that has jam on his person at all times.**

_That's just in case my blood sugar drops and you know that_

**That is an excuse for your addiction and Mycroft is now not answering my calls.**

_Mmm jam….._

**Pay attention John!**

_Hmmm? Jam….._

**John!**

_Yes?_

**Has Mycroft let you go?**

_Not quite, he's attempting to bribe me with jam_

_mmm… jam_

**Why is he bribing you?**

_We haven't gotten that far. There's cake here too_

_Mmm cake and jam…. Sleepy…._

**Oh God John! He drugged you!**

… _jam?..._

**Mycroft, if you are reading this, let John go. Why did you drug him?**

_I need to speak with you in person, dear brother. MH_

**And why should I?**

_Because I have John._

**And why do you have John?**

_Because you have issues with seeing me in person._

**I don't want to see you in person.**

_Then I shall keep John._

**I don't care.**

_Really? And here I thought he was your friend._

**I am not going to see you, I am far too busy.**

_Doing what precisely?_

**Figure it out brother.**

_Normally I would love to humor you, but a slight situation has arisen._

**And what is that? Controlling the government?**

_I would tell you but I'm fairly certain that you would become rather upset._

**I do not get upset Mycroft. You just don't want to tell me.**

_Even if it deals with your blogger?_

**What did John do?**

_He escaped._

**I knew John was somewhat smart.**

_Yes, well he tripped down some stairs and is on his way to the hospital. It's surprising that he got that far._

**It is all your fault that he is hurt. Now I have to go to the hospital!**

_He's not that hurt. Most likely just a concussion and some bruises. At most a fracture._

**I still have to go to the hospital Mycroft.**

_I doubt that he will have to spend the night. If you'd prefer I can arrange a ride home for him and you can stay where you are._

**No, I am going to the hospital.**

_Very well._


	10. Needy, High Maintenance, and Insensitive

**Oh my goodness! I acedentally posted this earlier than I should have so I took it down, posted the correct one, and now and reposting this one. I still plan on posting another one later.**

Hi I'm so sorry that it has been so long since I last updated but I had my Spring Break just last week as well as a nasty, nasty cold that made life miserable but now I back so semi regular updating should commence. It will absolutely commence in 5 weeks cause that's when I will done with college! Huzzah! As a way of saying thanks to all of you wonderful readers and commentors and favoriters and followers for putting up with the lack of updates I will be posting two chapters today.

This is a continuation from the previous chapter: to recap John had been kidnapped and drugged by Mycroft and while escaping John fell down a flight of stairs.

* * *

**Molly made me ask, how are you feeling? It is unnecessary but Molly is persistent. SH**

_I'm feeling like your brother kidnapped and drugged me. Oh and like I broke my leg and hit my head. Other than that I feel fine_

**It was not my fault. You are very dramatic.**

_I'm sorry. I'm tired and in pain and I shouldn't lash out at you_

**Thank you. Is Mrs. Hudson there?**

_Nah she went shopping. Also I hate your brother_

**Yes, he can be an inconvenience.**

_I'm bored_

**I don't know what I can do about that.**

_Well you complain to me why you're bored so I'm returning the favor_

**Well, I don't care about your boredom.**

_Fine_

**Sorry John, this is Molly Hooper, Sherlock is being rude. How are you doing?**

_I'm doing well, thanks for asking. How are you?_

**I'm fine, thanks for asking. I'm sorry that you broke your leg, at least Sherlock was there at the hospital.**

_True, that was nice of him_

**I wish he was that caring towards me.**

_Um… well… er… so how's your cat doing?_

**Oh she is great. Sherlock was complaining that you wanted to get a dog.**

_Yeah I was thinking about a bulldog and maybe naming him Gladstone_

**I like Toby for a dog's name. And you can't get a dog. Molly took my phone while I was conducting an experiment. SH**

_I noticed_

**A dog in the flat would be a mistake.**

_How so?_

**It requires attention and might create a distraction when I am working.**

_Perhaps, but it would give me something to do when you're experimenting_

**You are needy and high maintenance.**

_And you're insensitive_

**Yet you are still living at Baker Street.**

_Would you like me to leave then?_

**No, you are more interesting to talk to than Yorick.**

_Even if I'm needy and high maintenance, as you put it?_

**Yes.**

_Ok. So what are you experimenting on?_

**I am testing pteridium aquilinum effects on human eyes. It is a toxic plant that was used to kill a man, if you recall.**

_Ah_

**Yes it is very interesting.**

_Mmhm_

* * *

Hey I just wanted to let the awesome people who have left awesome reviews (that's all of you) that ducktiny and I read each and everyone of them. I apologize for not responding to them I will try to do so more in the future. As always be sure to read ducktiny's story The Adventures in Texting Molly Hooper.


	11. Toby or not Toby

As promised here is an extra chapter for being awesome. I know that y'all have already had two today but I really liked this one and wanted to share. Anyway I apoligize for the title, I have a weakness for really bad puns and ducktiny isn't here to stop me (muahaha).

* * *

**Why is there a dog in the flat? SH**

_He followed me home_

**I found a license to adopt a pet on the kitchen table, John.**

_Mycroft brought that by not too long after I got home_

_**Why would Mycroft buy a dog? You are a horrible liar.**_

_Not the dog, it really did follow me home. Mycroft brought the paper work by_

**You can't have a dog.**

_Why not?_

**Because it has already jumped on my lap. It was very uncomfortable.**

_You can push him off your lap_

**I did and it jumped back on my lap.**

_Well, go and put him in my room_

**I tried and it started to cry, so it is back on my lap…**

_Really? That's awfully nice of you_

**It was annoying, now it is less annoying.**

_Is it still uncomfortable having the dog on your lap?_

**It is asleep now.**

_You could take a picture of the dog and send it to Molly_

**I already did **

_What did she say?_

**It was 'adorable' and asked me what it's name is.**

_His name is Gladstone_

**No I don't like that.**

_Who says you get a choice?_

_He isn't your dog_

**It is sitting on my lap.**

_So?_

**Molly said its name should be Toby. I like that name. It is suitable.**

_But he's not your dog and therefore it isn't your choice_

**Sorry John, it's name is Toby.**

_On two conditions_

**What conditions?**

_The first is that you don't experiment on him. The second is that you don't attempt to get rid of him_

**The first one is non negotiable.**

_How so?_

**A live specimen for my experiments is exactly what I need.**

_No. You can't_

**Why not?**

_Because it's not right_

**I don't understand.**

_I'm not quite certain how to explain it to you other than it is wrong_

**Okay fine. I will agree to your conditions.**

_Good_

**When are you coming back to give Toby food, it keeps looking at me.**

_I'm at work. You could feed him_

**What do I feed it?**

_The dog food from the cupboard_

**Now it just grabbed my scarf and growled.**

_He wants to play_

**You should come to the flat and entertain it.**

_I'm at work_

**I just texted Molly.**

_What did you text her?_

**To come to Baker Street immediately.**

_Isn't she at work?_

**Yes, but she is on her way.**

_Did you tell her why you wanted her there?_

**No.**

_Please do let me know what her response is_

**Why is that important?**

_I don't think she is going to be happy that you had her come just to entertain the dog_

**I think she will be fine.**

_Ok…_

**Molly just came in a dress… It is strange and now she is playing with Toby. She was not too angry.**

_Not too angry?_

**She did yell at me for being selfish and then I told her that her dress was flattering.**

_Lol_

_I'm on my way back. Do you need anything from the shop?_

**Nothing at all, but take your time.**

_Oh? Why's that?_

**I am enjoying Molly's company.**

_Ok, I will slowly walk home. See you when I get there._

**Of course.**


	12. That's Not Stalking

Hi guys, here is a new chapter for your reading pleasure. I hope you like it and as always be sure to stop by **ducktiny's **story "The Adventures in Texting Molly Hooper" she just put up a new chapter for y'all to enjoy.

* * *

**John, where have you been?-SH**

_Busy_

**You are not at work; therefore you are busy with your girlfriend. Really John?**

_Yes really. Is there something wrong?_

**Yes, your girlfriend is dull.**

_You haven't even met her. How can you know if she is dull or not?_

**I know John, I know.**

_Please tell me you haven't been stalking my girlfriends again_

_Remember how the last one nearly maced you?_

**I have never 'stalked' your girlfriends; I merely make observations of them at a distance without them knowing. It is like and experiment. And that girl who t****ried to mace me was clearly suffering from trauma she endured when she was 20 at Uni.**

_Sherlock observing them at a distance for an extended period of time is considered stalking by most people, the police included_

**Stalking is the act of following a person more than once. I have only followed your girlfriends once and only for a few minutes. With my abilities that i****s all I need to be able to deduce who they are.**

_Fine, whatever. Why do you feel the need to 'observe' them?_

**You are only attracted to these women by their physical appearance. I, on the other hand, can make deductions about them without getting distracted. You n****ever bring them to the flat anymore, so I have to make deductions about them a different way.**

_I don't bring them to the flat anymore because the last time I did you made her cry_

**She was dramatic and I only say the truth.**

_You told her that her mother never loved her! It doesn't matter if that's the truth, you just don't say stuff like that_

**Why not?**

_Because it's cruel_

**Well, I would have thought she would know her mother never loved her. One look at her nails would tell you that.**

_That doesn't matter. Reminding people about bad things in their life isn't nice_

**I see your point. By the way your new girlfriend is rich and is dull because she never spends her fortune.**

_How does that make her dull?_

**She could be using her money to invest in interesting endeavors, but she is ordinary and does nothing of value with it.**

_She just donated money to build a new pediatrics wing for a local hospital_

**You knew she was rich? That is surprising.**

_Yes I knew. You don't have to seem so shocked_

**I guessed she would not tell you since she does not flaunt her money and she inherited it from her dead parents.**

_Sherlock, is there any reason why you are still texting me?_

**What are you implying?**

_I'm with my girlfriend, she's being very understanding about you texting me, but we are getting ready to go see a movie…_

**Your girlfriend is taking up too much of your time.**

_Why do you say that?_

**I have had three cases that you were too busy to accompany me. I blame your girlfriend.**

_I can't be at your beck and call all the time_

**Fine. I would let your girlfriend buy your movie ticket, since your funds have been lacking as of late. Goodbye John.**

_Pissy much?_

**I am not in a mood.**

_You sure are acting like it_

**Have fun on your date John.**

[some short time later]

_Whelp, I'm on my way home now_

**Like I care.**

_Really? You don't care how my date went from great to non-existent in a matter of seconds?_

**Was it that enjoyable, since you want me to ask?**

_No, it went bad, real bad_

**Really?**

_Yes. Her ex showed up out of nowhere and declared his undying love for her_

**She went back to him.**

_Fantastic deduction_

**Thank you. And I am sorry about your date.**

_Thanks, I do have to ask, did you know that this was going to happen?_

**Of course I did. Her previous boyfriend only broke up with her because his son was sick and he did not tell her. She thought he was cheating on her. All a**** big misunderstanding of course.**

_Couldn't you have told me this?_

**I thought it would be 'cruel' to tell you.**

_No, telling me would have been nice_

**Ok, from now on I will tell you every deduction I make on your girlfriends.**

_You don't have to. Just if they are cheating, in another relationship, or up to illegal activities_

**Ok I can do that.**

_Good but not in public_

**Why not?**

_Because it's impolite_

**Ok**

_Good, now do you have a case or some kind of distraction?_

**I have been practicing archery today.**

_Oh, dear Lord, what did you break?_

**Nothing of importance. Your jumper does have a new hole in it.**

_Which jumper?_

**That horrid Christmas jumper.**

_The one my mother made for me?_

**Yes.**

_Why would you do that?_

**Because it was a good target.**

_How?_

**I put it in random places and shot at it.**

_Couldn't you have gotten a traditional target?_

**No, that is boring.**

_Couldn't you have used something that belonged to you?_

**Of course not. Why would I do that?**

_Because then you aren't destroying my property_

**Don't be upset.**

_How would you like it if I used your purple shirt for target practice?_

**I believe Molly would be more upset about that.**

_And you wouldn't be?_

**No, it is just a shirt.**

_Fine then_

* * *

Please don't hurt me for theoretical violence against the Purple Shirt of Sex!


	13. Sherlock's an Idiot

Hey guys, here's the new chapter. I hope that you enjoy it. Be certain to look at ducktiny's story to get Molly's perspective, poor thing.

* * *

**John, Molly just collapsed on the floor. Should I give her brandy to wake her up? Your input is appreciated. SH**

_No brandy, call an ambulance_

**It is not that serious John. She fainted.**

_Elevate her legs above her heart_

_Ice packs on her chest would help too_

**She woke up.**

_Good, is she ok?_

**Yes just shocked by what I said apparently.**

_What did you say?_

**I told her I was entertaining the possibility of seeing her on a more regular basis.**

_Oh_

**Oh?**

_Oh_

**I am confused.**

_Why?_

**Why are you writing oh?**

_Because I have no other response to Molly fainting_

**I see, I guess you are not shocked, because to put it in terms that you would understand, I have thought about 'dating', in the loosest of terms, Molly. She **

**Understood and fainted.**

_No I understood. I guess that I'm surprised. _

**Are you mad?**

_No why would I be mad?_

**I did not discuss this fact ahead of time and now I am not sure if I can 'date' Molly. No, I cannot. I do not need distractions.**

_See, now I mad_

**Why is that?**

_Cause you told Molly that you wanted to date her and now you've changed her mind. That's gonna hurt her_

**She will be fine.**

_Eventually yes, but in the mean time you caused her unnecessary pain_

**I have not told her yet.**

_You haven't told her yet that you changed your mind?_

**No, I am going to tell her we can see each other only when I have no cases and I am not busy with other matters.**

_Let me know how that goes_

_Acctually don't do that. If you are going to date her don't string her along when its just convenient for you. It isn't fair to her._

**Then I do not know what to do.**

_I honestly don't know what to tell you_

**You are useless. I thought you understood women.**

_I do understand women which is how I know that you messed up big time and that there aren't any magic words to end this situation without someone being in pain_

**I never mess up. I found a solution and it worked and I did not have to say a word to Molly.**

_Oh God what did you do?_

**The most logical thing to do in the situation that I was in. I kissed her and left.**

_How was that logical?_

**I did not have to explain myself to her and I did not hurt her feelings in the process.**

_You are a terrible person_

**Why is that?**

_Remember how you said that you didn't need the distraction of dating? She still doesn't know that. Kissing her only delayed the inevitable_

**Well, it gave me time.**

_To do what?_

**To evaluate what I should do with Molly.**

_Ok well have fun with that_

**Your sarcasm is not amusing.**

_I wasn't trying to be amusing. I was trying to blow off steam so when I see you next I don't punch you_

**You are being dramatic.**

_Sherlock, what you did was bad. I was raised that there is a certain way that you treat women and what you did was most definintely not one of them_

**Well, I will tell Molly that I do… Like her.**

_Is that because you do like her or because you feel bad?_

**Well, I don't want to move too fast.**

_You could tell her that and that you are nervous. I think that she will understand that_

**I guess that would be a solution.**

_Yeah, hey, I'm sorry I got so upset at you_

**It is ok.**

_Good well I have a date to get ready for. Talk to you later_

**Goodnight John.**

* * *

I like the thought of John being like an over protective big brother to Molly. Have a great weekend and see you on Monday.


	14. Mycroft is the Smartest?

Hi my lovely, lovely readers! I would have loved to have posted this much earlier in the day, but homework got in the way. Better late than never, though, right? I must admit this chapter is one of my favorites. Please do let ducktiny and I know what you think of it in the reviews and have a wonderful day.

* * *

_Sherlock, why is there a bound and gagged person on the floor in the flat?_

**Just ignore him.**

_No I will not "just ignore" him. Why is he there? And where are you?_

**He is a jewel thief that I tricked into coming to Baker Street. I got busy with other matters and Lestrade is supposed to pick him up momentarily.**

_Okay… so what other matters are so important that you have to leave him here?_

**Since you were so cross with me about this Molly business, I decided to talk to her during her lunch break. She is not too happy with me. **

_I wouldn't think that she would be._

**Both of you take feelings too seriously. It is so dull.**

_I don't think feelings are dull_

**You wouldn't. You are driven by your emotions.**

_Ghcvklioqesssfgyvcxzdkgcx^^$$^)7#tcfi_

**John? What was that nonsense. You know I do not read text jargon.**

_WE HAVE HIM MR HOLMES. COME AND GET HIM._

**Oh you must be the stupid thief's friends. I need to know where I must meet you. Please, if it is too far, I will not come. I am busy.**

_WE ARE AT OUR SECRET LOCATION. WE PRESUME THAT YOU KNOW WHERE THAT IS. COME ALONE._

**Of course I know where it is. Why do you need me? Oh I know that too. Since I am the only one who can stop you. You really thing stealing my friend will help you?**

_IT WILL GET YOU OUT OF THE BHKFETSAFVUTQUONPLHEFSE_

**Sorry, I did not quite get that.**

_Sherlock… it's jphn hes un concious noe. my head hirtd anf everyting else_

**Your spelling is horrible and I suggest you run.**

_Truing tink ankle broken dizzy_

**Well I am on my way, just hide until I get there or keep a gun on the idiot.**

_K breathing hurts_

**Broken ribs. Not good. Lestrade is on his way as well.**

_I'm hasbing a hard tumr stayinf awake_

**Keep texting me John! What is your favorite jam?**

…_srswbery_

**Good John. Who is the most brilliant person you know?**

…_mycro ft_

**Mycroft? Really John?**

_Mo shlock_

**Good John. What is your dull girlfriend's name?**

_No grfiend_

**I thought you were dating a Susan…**

_Sabina brke up_

**Oh why?**

_Don't wanna talk _

**You need to stay awake I am almost there.**

_Tiref_

_Her noise_

**You are making no sense.**

_Herd noise_

**It is me John I am here.**

_Goodd_

**Where are you?**

_Haven't mved_

* * *

****Oh no! I hope John is okay! See y'all on Wednesday with another (hopefully) awesome chapter!


	15. John's Alright

Hey everyone it is ducktiny here and I am going to write what happened to John. Caution there is some small violence. So enjoy and then we will get to the texts written by dellastreet and I.

* * *

Sherlock went into the old abandoned building without the police because they were too slow for him. He had a gun of course. He search around texting John hoping he would find him quickly. Sherlock heard a low moan coming from a room on the right. He ran in there as fast as he could and saw two men, on being the man he had bound and gagged and the other his friend that he knew from his investigation of the criminal ring. He stepped over them hoping that John would be in the room adjacent. He heard the moan again as he walked into the other room and saw a sight that thoroughly shocked him. John with his eyes partially open moaned again as Sherlock kneeled beside him. Sherlock observed his friend's condition as severe. His eyes were dilated, breath was raspy, his nose was bleeding and he kept going in and out of consciousness.

"Stay awake, John!" Sherlock yelled as he did not care if it would wake the two other men. He had to keep John awake. John tried to say something, but as Sherlock observed his vocal cords were bruised from one of the criminals trying to choke him. Sherlock grabbed John's hand as well as taking his pulse. It was rapid. "You are going to be alright," Sherlock reassured as he was not sure himself. John just squeezed his hand tightly as Sherlock squeezed right back. Then he heard a loud crash. Sherlock knew one of the morons was trying to escape.

"I will be right back John," Sherlock promised as he ran out of the room and saw one of the criminals on his feet staring right as Sherlock. He then ran out of the room and Sherlock was right behind him. The man was not fast and Sherlock caught up with him quickly. Sherlock drove at the man as they fought for the upper hand. The criminal was stronger than Sherlock realized as the man had his arm and broke it. Sherlock growled in pain, but overcame the criminal. In a blind range, Sherlock did everything he could imagine to him. He hurt John, he broke his arm and he was criminal. Not noticing the sirens or Lestrade running in, Sherlock was still in a white rage.

"Bloody hell, Sherlock!" yelled Lestrade as Sherlock was brought back to reality and stopped his assault on the criminal. The paramedic found John and took him straight to the hospital as well as Sherlock who arm was inconveniently broken.

* * *

_Sherlock? What happened?_

**You got kidnapped and they bruised your vocal cords, so you can't speak. Also you have three broken ribs and a broken ankle. I thought you could diagnose yourself. –SH**

_Head hurts and things are fuzzy. I don't really remember much after going to work_

_Are you ok?_

**You also have a severe concussion. Of course I am okay.**

_Good so how long do I have to stay?_

**Not sure, you had me worried for a moment…**

_Why?_

**You were hurt fairly bad and… Don't make me say it.**

_And what?_

**I thought for only a second… I would lose my friend… only for a second…**

_I'm not going anywhere_

**Good, even though your blog does not represent me very well.**

_Sure it doesn't. By the way, why are you texting me? I know I can't talk but couldn't you?_

**Molly said it would make you feel better if I just text you. It is ridiculous.**

_It is a little silly. Has anything interesting happened while I was asleep?_

**Molly came to see you, she is very concerned. Mycroft and Lestrade came as well. Another woman named Megan or Morgan, not too sure, came as well.**

_Millie, the woman's name is Millie_

**Millie? Oh and your sister came by, she is still drinking.**

_Yes Millie, she's an old friend. And I'm not surprised about Harry. Why did Mycroft come and visit?_

**I have no idea. He did get cake while at the hospital.**

_Maybe he came for the cake. How long was I out?_

**A couple of days, you would wake up for a few minutes then go back out during that time.**

_Have you eaten or slept at all during that time?_

**No, I have not had time.**

_Did you get a new case?_

**No, I stayed here.**

_Then how were you too busy to eat?_

**I did not want to eat.**

_Eating is good for you_

**It sustains me, but I really did not want to leave the room in case you woke up.**

_That's nice of you_

**Mrs. Hudson could not stay the whole time so I had to.**

_That's still nice of you. Why is your arm in a sling?_

**That moron of a kidnapper tried to escape and we got in a fight and he broke my arm. Annoying inconvenience, but he got his justice.**

_How badly did you hurt him?_

**A punctured lung, broken ribs, concussion, bruised kidney, ect.**

_Jeez it sounds like a tornado hit him_

**He is recovering.**

_I don't remember anything past going to work can you fill me in on what I'm missing?_

**We were discussion the jewel thief in the flat and I was at Bart's discussing things with Molly and then I believe one of his friends sneaked behind you and knocked you out.**

_How did you find me?_

**I knew the location of the jewel thief's hideout from when I was investigating him. He was very stupid for going to the same place twice.**

_That is pretty stupid. Why did they kidnap me?_

**I figured out the thief was part of an elaborate ring of criminals and I was the only one who could bring it down.**

_Oh…_

**Yes, they are all behind bars now.**

_Good now you should go eat and get some sleep_

**Fine, I will. Goodnight John.**

_Night Sherlock_

* * *

Isn't that a nice resolution for the Baker Street Boys? I personally love protective Sherlock and ducktiny did a fantastic job with the actual story bit. Be sure to go and look at the Adventures in Texting Molly Hooper for glimpses at concerned Sherlock with a good heaping dose of Sherlolly!

So I am curious (nosy, inquisitive, you get the picture), do you all have a favorite chapter? Anyway, the next chapter is going to be posted on Friday.


	16. The Great Escape

Happy Friday, my awesome pawsome readers! Here is another (hopefully) delightful chapter brought to you by ducktiny and myself. Be sure to check out her "Adventures in Texting Molly Hooper" for a different perspective on John's hospitalization.

* * *

**God this cast! SH**

_What's wrong with your cast?_

**It is limiting me from my work and I have no assistant because you are still recuperating.**

_Well you could help me break out of the hospital. Then I could assist you_

**Isn't Mrs. Hudson watching you so you do not escape?**

_Yes but you're smart, you'll figure something out_

**I am on my way and Molly has agreed to distract her.**

_Fantastic! What do I need to do?_

**Try to get Mrs. Hudson to get you something.**

_Ok can do. I'll ask her to get me some ice cream_

_She has left_

**Good I'm almost there.**

**The doctor just stopped me.**

_What were you doing?_

**Trying to find you and your doctor knew.**

_I'm in the same room as last time. And how did my doctor know?_

**He is smarter than I anticipated.**

_Oh, so am I stuck here? I really would rather be elsewhere_

**I am trying to get you out, it involves a disguise.**

_Neat! What kind of a disguise?_

**It will involve a mask.**

_What kind of a mask?_

**A mask for surgery of course.**

_Can you elaborate upon that?_

**I will be a nurse, John. How obvious can I be?**

_Much more obvious. Pretend like you are explaining something to Anderson_

**Fine, you moron. I will be a male nurse with a mask. I'll be in your room momentarily.**

_Fine, there's no reason to be nasty about it_

**You said to explain it like I would to Anderson.**

_I didn't mean for you to call me names_

**Well I misunderstood.**

_I'm sorry that I wasn't more clear_

**It is fine. No one is suspecting me.**

_Good, how much longing is it going to take?_

**I'm outside your door.**

[John and Sherlock are now escaping the hospital. FYI John still has trouble talking]

_Stupid vocal chords _

**Stop being a child. My arm is broken.**

_Sherlock, please don't make me play the who is injured the most game. You know I'd win_

**Really John? You said that Mycroft was smarter than I. That hurts worse. All he does is eat cake.**

_When did I say that?_

**You remember John. I tried to keep you awake when you were kidnapped.**

_Sherlock, I truly don't remember_

**Do you really think that?**

_Think what?_

**That Mycroft has a superior intellect?**

_Of course I don't think that! That's ridiculous!_

**I have proof. It is in a text message. Look at your mobile.**

_Sherlock, I was barely awake. Look at my spelling_

**You still put Mycroft. It took thought.**

_And after that I put your name_

**Mycroft came first.**

_I had been hit on the head!_

**It does not matter that you were mentally incapacitated! You still put Mycroft as the smartest person you know. He may have better deduction skills than I, but he is lazy.**

_I'm sorry. I have no clue as to why I put Mycroft down as the smartest man I know especially since that person quite clearly is you_

**Well, I am glad you know who is superior.**

_To be fair it could have been worse, I could've said Anderson was the smartest_

**I would no longer be your friend.**

_I have a feeling you would have left me there to rot_

**Yes, at least Mycroft is intelligent.**

_Yeah_

_Sherlock, Lestrade just texted me, he knows I'm no longer at the hospital and his texts sound angry_

**I don't understand his anger. You no longer need to be at the hospital.**

_Apparently the hospital disagrees. He's threatening to find us, bring me back and handcuff me to a hospital bed. Oh, and to arrest you for kidnapping_

**I doubt he could find us.**

_True but at some point you'll get bored and want a case and he'll call you with one and then he won't need to find you, you'll go to him_

**That is quite logical John. Do you want to go back to the hospital?**

_Not really but the longer we stay away the angrier he's gonna get… so I guess we should_

**I tried John.**

_Its ok. I was the one who asked to help me escape_

**Who will be my assistant?**

_Maybe Molly?_

**She would be suitable, but she has found it nessecary to hold my arm while we walk. It is a little distracting and somewhat uncomfortable.**

_How is it distracting?_

**You know the reason, so I don't need to explain it to you.**

_Ok, I was just teasing. What about Yorick?_

**The looks are more distracting. Molly would at least talk back to me, even if it is just rambling.**

_Good, well at least you will have a temporary assistant_

**You worried that Miss Hooper will replace you?**

_Nope, I make better tea, you'd keep me around just for that reason_

**You are very confident in your tea making ability.**

_I have every reason to be_

**Of course you do. You are a very fine tea maker and I will miss your assistance. Molly is insisting that I take her to dinner afterwards, she is already more demanding than you.**

_Well, I'll be able to help again soon enough_

**You better, your ailments are an inconvienece that I am finding intolerable.**

_Hmmm maybe we could forge papers releasing me from the hospital sooner?_

**Forgery is one of my strong suits, but Lestrade in his rare brilliant moments knows we would try.**

_So I'm stuck? They won't even let me have jam!_

**I can make Mrs. Hudson get you some.**

_Please?_

**What type? Strawberry?**

_Yes, that's my favorite_

**Good. Mrs. Hudson is on her way.**

_Excellent._

* * *

Hey guys, one last thing: ducktiny and I are wondering if there is anything that you would like to see Sherlock and John discuss or any situations that you would like to see them get into, if so please PM me or leave the prompt in a review, we'd really love to hear from y'all.


	17. Sherlock is in a Mood

Welcome back my sensational readers! I had a fantastic weekend, mostly because ducktiny and I hung out on Friday and spent most of the evening and a bit of early morning Saturday watching movies and Doctor Who. I must admit it was awesomely fantastic! Without further delay here is your next chapter.

* * *

_How's your case going?_

**I have already solved it. No one noticed the hair pin. SH**

_Fantastic!_

**Is work dull? Must be, you are texting me.**

_It is a very slow day_

**I see.**

**Since you wanted to know any deductions about any girlfriend you currently have, she had an eating disorder in her early 20's.**

_Really? How could you tell that?_

**Her fingernails, the color of her teeth and her cheeks, obviously.**

_Ah, when did you see her?_

**On the tube.**

_You know… you could've just asked to meet her_

**You do not want me to meet your girlfriends, you said that.**

_I'm beginning to think that it's less creepy you meeting them then you practically stalking them_

**We have gone over this. I do not stalk.**

_Hence my use of the word practically_

**Would you really bring your girlfriends to meet me?**

_Yes but only if Molly was there_

**Why?**

_Because on the off chance I have to leave the room there is someone else there to prevent you from getting out of control_

**Like Molly could control me.**

_Perhaps not but she would be able to lessen the sting of whatever you say_

**I guess you are correct, she has been trying to make me more pleasant for some reason.**

_I'm sure you know the reason_

**No I don't. The motives of women are so inscrutable.**

_It's because pleasant people are more fun to be around_

**They are weak individuals that can be manipulated easily by those who are superior.**

_I disagree_

**Of course you do.**

_You don't have to be so patronizing_

**I can say whatever I want to say. You and Molly may try to change me, but it is only a waste of your energy.**

_If you are going to be like that then fine_

**Fine what? Are you going to be silent for a change? That would be a relief.**

…

**Speechless. I have finally accomplished the impossible.**

[Time lapse of a few minutes]

**You coming back to Baker Street after work?**

**John I need to know.**

**Stop being a child.**

**If you are coming to Baker Street, Molly will be there as well. She insisted that she spends time with me. I said I was not in the mood, but she is coming anyway.**

_I am not coming home. I am going to get a drink_

**You don't need a drink. You might turn into your sister.**

_And now I'm not coming home at all tonight_

**Why?**

_Because of how you are behaving_

**How am I behaving? You sound like I am a child.**

_You are behaving like a child_

**I am not!**

_Yes you are_

**I do not need your input on the way I act.**

_You asked how you were behaving_

**My behavior does not need to be controlled by you and Molly just left crying.**

_What did you say to her?_

**That it was pathetic of her to be so desperate to see me and I had no desire to see her.**

_I don't even have words for how terrible you are_

**It was not that bad.**

…

**I should apologize…**

_Yes_

**It was quite bad.**

_Very_

[time lapse]

**Molly will not let me into her flat.**

_I don't blame her_

**Her dramatics are not helping. It is raining and she still will not let me in the building.**

_I still don't blame her_

**She will get no apology then.**

_My God, you really don't get it, do you?_

**Get what?**

_How raw her emotions are right now and how seeing you is going to make it worse. I honestly suggest waiting until the morning and trying to apologize then_

**That is good advice. Emotions do more damage than good.**

_You are still a terrible person_

**That is your opinion.**

_I'm sure I can find many people who would agree_

**I do not doubt that, but they are wrong.**

_I'm no longer talking to you_

**Fine.**

* * *

Oooh Sherlock is in a mood, isn't he?


	18. Of Beer and Brandy

I am so sorry that this wasn't posted earlier, time got away from me and I hadn't finished typing it out yet. But I guess better late than never applies here. I would like to take the time to thank all of you who read this story, it means a lot and I hope you have a great day.

**John get to the flat now. SH**

_No_

**Toby wants to go outside and I am far too busy and Mrs. Hudson is not here.**

_So? You are perfectly capable of taking 10 minutes to walk him outside_

**No, it is your dog.**

_Fine I will come all the way back to the flat and walk the dog because you are far too lazy to take ten lousy minutes to do it_

**Good.**

_I really, really dislike you_

**You never hate.**

_I might make an exception for you_

**Why would you hate the brilliant human being that has saved your life on many occasions?**

_I can't tell right now if you really don't know why I'm angry or if you are just being a jerk_

**Make a deduction.**

_I'm going to go with you not knowing because if you are just being a jerk then I'm going to have to hurt you_

**Like you could.**

_What's wrong with you? You've been in a snit for a while_

**Nothing is wrong with me.**

_Yes there is_

**What?**

_I don't know but whatever it is it is making you act terrible_

**There is nothing making me act terrible.**

_And yet you are_

**I am not.**

_You made Molly cry. And you've been worse than normal to me_

**I am fine.**

**Molly forgave me.**

_That's good_

**She is still cross and slammed the door in my face.**

_That sounds about right_

**I even complemented her with sincerity and she did not care.**

_Compliments don't always fix everything_

**It does with her.**

_Apparently not this time_

**I hope she still lets me experiment at Bart's.**

_Is that the only reason why you apologized and complimented her?_

**No. She is intelligent and she does listen to me, unlike you at some points.**

_Ok_

**I was kicked out of Bart's **

_I take it that Molly is still upset?_

**Obviously. I tried to reason with her that her anger was misplaced and she told me to get out.**

_I'm sure you'll figure something out_

**Of course, but at the moment I'm bored since my experiments have no place to be conducted.**

_Call Lestrade, maybe he'll give you a case_

**There is nothing of interest to me; you should get out of work.**

_Why?_

**You listen to me talk, Mrs. Hudson is angry at me because of the 'mood' I was in, so she took my skull.**

_I can't leave work. There are sick people here_

**So?**

_I'm a doctor. Doctors help sick people_

**I am not a child, I understand your profession. You can leave work just for today.**

_No I can't. We are down a doctor here_

**Are you still cross with me? Everyone else is.**

_I'm not as cross as I was before_

**Why are you still cross?**

_Because you acted like a first class jerk_

**It has been two days.**

_So?_

**You should be over it.**

_You know what helps getting over being angry?_

**What?**

_Sincere apologies_

**What I did does not warrant an apology.**

_It really does_

**I do not think so.**

_And I disagree_

**I did apologize to Molly and she is still angry, so apparently apologies do not work.**

_They don't fix everything, no, but they have a better chance at making things right than not apologizing at all_

**Well, I guess I apologize for my behavior. **

_I accept your apology_

**Now will you get out of work?**

_Is that the only reason you apologized?_

**No.**

_Ok, well, I've got three more patients to see and then I can leave_

**London is so dull. The criminals lack creativity since I defeated Moriarty.**

_Maybe Mrs. Hudson will play Cluedo with you until I get back_

**She is getting out cleaning supplies after my last experiment.**

_What did you do?_

**Well I was mixing some chemicals and it exploded all over the kitchen and that is one of the reasons that she is mad at me.**

_Why else is she mad at you?_

**My black mood two days ago offended her.**

_Maybe you could do something nice for her_

**Why?**

_Because you made a mess and offended her_

**I could take the toes out of the refrigerators.**

_Hers or ours?_

**Both.**

_Yes take the toes out of the refrigerators_

**That experiment is over.**

_What was its purpose?_

**Nothing for a case, just for 'fun'.**

_You have a strange concept of fun_

**Going to a pub is not my ideal way of spending time and I believe that is strange. So our concepts of fun are very different.**

_Have you ever been to a pub?_

**Yes, under a disguise to find a criminal.**

_Did you drink anything alcoholic?_

**I was working, and I do not drink to get drunk.**

_Why not?_

**I do not have the desire to be drunk. I have been drugged on many occasions and it is about the same.**

_Bet you're a lightweight_

**What does that mean?**

_That you get drunk very easily_

**I do not think so. I can prove that I do not get drunk easily.**

_You don't have to_

**No, no, I must prove that I am not a lightweight.**

_Why?_

**It is an experiment that will prove that I am right.**

_I don't think that you should_

**I have to prove you wrong. I will start with one beer, then a brandy and we will see who is right.**

_I retract my statement about you being a lightweight_

**I have already started John.**

_Crap I suppose that there is no way to stop you?_

**No beer is tasty and brandy is tasty. John you are a good friend. I am not a weightlight.**

_I'm on my way back to the flat. Don't leave_

**I need more beer.**

_No you don't. Stay at the flat. I'm almost home_

**I need a case! A murder would be nice and more beer.**

_No, stay at the flat and don't move_

**Too late. Maybe Lestrade has a case. I'll go see him. The effects of drunkenness is great. I can do anything! Molly might be nice to see!**

_Sherlock where are you right now?_

**I am in a taxi, but I will not tell you where I am at!**

_Why? You could get hurt_

**Hurt? No I am SHERLOCK HOLMES!**

_Dear Lord… Sherlock if you don't tell me where you are right now I'm going to call Mycroft_

**Mycroft can't find me! He is too fat! I am not scared of him or you! Women seem very pretty, not that I am drunk. Strange…**

**You can't find me!**

_I've just been to see Lestrade and he finally stopped laughing, apparently he really wants to see drunk you. Are you with Molly?_

**Maybe… I love biscuits. They are good!**

_Yes biscuits are good. We have them at the flat_

**I don't want biscuits now. Should I get a girlfriend?**

_Do you want a girlfriend?_

**I don't know. Molly is trying to take away my phone. Bad Molly **

_Aha! You are with Molly_

**No I am not! Her cat is scary…**

_Then where are you?_

**It is a secret!**

**Sorry John, this is Molly. Sherlock is drunk, why did you let this happen?**

_I did not, I was at work. He wanted to prove that he wasn't a lightweight_

**Well he was wrong. I would have guessed that he would be an angry drunk, but he is kind of funny.**

_Yeah he is. I've been trying to find him. I'm guessing that he is ok?_

**Yes, he is being very pleasant to me, calling me pretty, but it is just the alcohol.**

_Are you sure?_

**What do you mean?**

_Are you sure that it is just the alcohol?_

**It has to be. It's Sherlock and now his head is in my lap. You are on your way right?**

_Yes I'm on my way. Do you know how much he's had to drink?_

**I am not sure. He is avoiding the question.**

_He does tend to do that_

**Molly stole my phone and I got it back. She is pretty.**

_I noticed she had the phone. How much have you had to drink?_

**Irrelevant! John you are a good friend. Sorry I pretended to kill myself. That was bad… **

_It is not irrelevant how much you've had to drink. And you don't need to apologize_

**I had four beers and two brandies. Don't come and get me! Molly is being nice. But her cat is staring at me!**

_Have Molly text me please_

**I got the phone away from Sherlock. Is something wrong?**

_No, but he wants me to leave him there. I don't mind coming to get him, but its up to you_

**He is getting sleepy and well… I guess he can tell you in the morning.**

_So you'll be ok with him?_

**Yes. He is much nicer drunk.**

_Alright let me know if I can help_

**Oh course. Night.**

_Night _


	19. John gets Loopy

Salutations readers! I do so apologize for not posting on Friday but life got in the way. The next three weeks are my last before I graduate from college so I cannot guarantee that I will have time to regularly post chapters, I will do my best though. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

* * *

_Unicorn_

**Ah, you are awake.**

_Owie_

**Yes, you had an appendectomy and are in the hospital. You will be fine.**

_There's a unicorn under my bed. And a scary dragon in the corner_

**No, there is nothing in your room.**

_But Lockie I swear there is!_

**Lockie? That is not my name.**

_But Lockie is my bestedest friend in the world and you are my bestedest friend in the world so you must be Lockie_

**My name is Sherlock and I am your friend, but my name is not Lockie.**

_Not my bestedest friend?_

**I will not write that non-word.**

_You don't wanna be my bestedest friend?_

**I am your friend and you are on drugs.**

_Fine if you don't wanna be bestesdest friends we don't hafta. I will run away_

**Do not run away, you are not a child.**

_Do you not want to be my bestesdest friend cause I'm not as smart as you?_

**You are my best friend and I am smarter than you, but I would never want to not be your friend.**

_Promise?_

**Promise.**

_A knight and a dinosaur brought me a coloring book. And they said that your name is Lockie_

**No they are wrong.**

_Why would they be wrong?_

**Because my name is Sherlock Holmes.**

_I don't like the dinosaur. He's mean. Make him go away Lockie_

**Why are Anderson and Lestrade at the hospital?**

_They brought me gifts and made a movie! I'm gonna be the star!_

_But could you make the mean dinosaur go away, please Lockie?_

**I will have to watch this video later, but tell them to leave.**

_The knight got a phone call, but he told me not to tell you Lockie_

_I punched the dinosaur!_

**Oh there is a case! Good job John!**

_He said you weren't my friend_

_That you didn't have friends_

**He is wrong. I have friends.**

_I know, me and the fairy princess_

**Molly?**

_Yep, the fairy princess. She brought me jam_

**She told me she stopped by.**

_She giggled when I called you Lockie_

**Oh God, that will become my nickname.**

_Nope I told her that I get to call you that because we're bestesdest friends. She said she understood_

**Please stop calling me Lockie.**

_Why don't you like it? Even the over sized gnome with the umbrella liked it_

**Of course Mycroft would like it. He calls me Sherly. Why was he there?**

_He brought cake. He didn't like it when I called him Crofty_

**Oh, I think you should call him that. Did you say anything about me to him?**

_Just that you were my bestesdest friend Lockie_

**Good he does not need to know anything else.**

_He wanted to know if you'd been eating but I pretended to fall asleep_

**Good job John. I am shocked he did not ask you about Molly.**

_I did good? Oh… he met the fairy princess_

_He said something mean and she broke his umbrella_

**Good job Molly and you did good as well. What did Mycroft say?**

_Crofty turned funny colors and left_

**Aw, I wish I could have seen it.**

_I maybe sorta filmed it_

**I must see it.**

_Ok but only if you text me these exact words "My name is Lockie and Jawn in my bestedest friend in the whole wide world"_

**I will not text that.**

_You know it is only a matter of time before the scary texting pixie comes and takes my phone_

**What do you mean?**

_Crofty's minion probably will come for the recording on my phone_

**No just send the video to me.**

_Not until you text me properly_

**Fine. My name is Lockie and Jawn is my bestedest friend in the whole wide world.**

_Here you go[recording has been sent]_

**Thank you. Now Mycroft cannot see it. Apparently he knows about my drunken night.**

…_purple_

**What does that have to do with anything?**

_Sleepy medicine time…_

_Kazoo_

**Goodnight John**


	20. Condemned

Hey guys, I'm back! I have missed you all so very much. I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you all, but now I am done with finals and I am finished with college, yippie! So then for you all this is an extra long chapter, at least it feels that way. Anyway, I'm hoping that there will be semi-regular updates, but at most I can promise is at least once a week, maybe more.

Disclaimer: I know I haven't updated in a really long time but that hasn't changed the fact that I don't own Sherlock nor that I make any money from it at all.

* * *

**So you know that experiment I have been working on? Well, it had a major side-effect and the flat is condemned for a couple of days.-SH**

_What did you do?_

**The experiment caused toxic gas to fill the whole flat, so we have to find a place to stay while it is cleaned. I am staying at Molly's and she only has one couch.**

_Okay… I guess that I can find a place to stay…_

**Molly's place is full so please do not feel sorry for yourself.**

[a little while later]

_I have found a place to stay_

**Oh? Where?**

_Why?_

**I would like to know where you will be residing in case I have a murder to solve and I need your assistance.**

_That's why I have a mobile_

**Are you embarrassed by where you are staying, because you are clearly avoiding the question.**

_No, I'm avoiding the question because I'm upset that Baker Street is condemned_

**Only for a couple of days. Molly was actually excited about it. I'm not sure why…**

_I'm sure you can figure out why she is excited. Am I allowed to go and get clothes?_

**No.**

_What am I supposed to wear?_

**A bed sheet?**

_No._

**You can go shopping.**

_I guess that I will. You probably will need to go shopping too_

**No I hate shopping. It is tedious and dull.**

_What are you going to wear if you get a case?_

**The clothes I am wearing presently, of course.**

_Not clean ones?_

**Molly has a place to do laundry. You really think I do not know what I am doing.**

_There are times that I do wonder_

**Seriously?**

**Who are you staying with? I really need to know…**

_Yes seriously. And if I tell you where I'm staying you'll break in and force you to make tea_

**I have Molly to do that.**

_I promised the person I was staying with that I wouldn't tell you_

**That is odd. Lestrade?**

_I'm not answering_

**Oh, then it is Lestrade!**

_I'm still not answering_

**I will find you anyway, so you should just tell me.**

_But you enjoy deducing. Also if I tell you then I can't stay_

**Mycroft!**

_Dear Lord, why would I stay with someone who drugged me and then allowed me to fall down a flight of stairs?_

**I was just making an assumption.**

_You know what happens when you assume_

**It is Lestrade. That is not an assumption.**

_Why would you say that?_

**Lestrade would not want me to know his location because I would go to his flat for cases.**

_My lips are sealed_

**You are my best friend and you should tell me.**

_But if I tell you then I won't have a place to stay. Do you really want me to be temporarily homeless?_

**No.**

_Ok, then can you please just let it be?_

**Fine…**

**Molly wants me to watch telly with her… Can I stay with you now?**

_I'll ask but probably not_

**The show is called Doctor Who. It is illogical.**

_I love that show. My host is laughing so hard that talking isn't an option. Couldn't you stay with Mycroft?_

**I would never stay with Mycroft. I believe Molly would be upset if I left.**

_Then why did you ask if you could stay with me? Also where is Mrs. Hudson staying?_

**With her sister. The show is getting somewhat better. The main character is almost as smart as I am.**

_How modest of you_

**I do not need to be modest.**

_Why is there a text on my phone that says "My name is Lockie and Jawn is my bestedest friend in the whole wide world"?_

**Ah, you made me text that to you to get a video of Molly breaking Mycroft's umbrella.**

_Really? And you actually texted that?_

**I wanted the video and you threatened to have it deleted.**

_I'm surprised you haven't stolen my mobile to delete it_

**I have not had time. I am just glad you did not tell anyone about the drunken incident.**

_Friends keep secrets like that for each other_

**I guess so.**

_So how's Doctor Who going?_

**I got preoccupied with other matters.**

_Oh? Is everything ok?_

**Yes, of course.**

_What preoccupied you?_

**None of your business.**

_You were snogging Molly_

**Why would you say that?**

_Because I'm not completely stupid. Stop avoiding the question_

**I never said you were stupid.**

_Your avoidance of the question is confirming my previous statement_

**It is reallylkajdofindadn**

**Hello John. Sherlock and I were kissing, but he is embarresed, which should bother me, but it is Sherlock.**

_No problem, I'm just teasing him_

**Oh, I know ****. So where are you staying? I had room here but Sherlock said you had a place.**

_Really? Sherlock told me that you didn't have room and I needed to find one of my own_

**Really? Oh! That's fantastic!**

_Yeah, he likes you a lot_

**Like you know how I feel.-SH**

_Like I said earlier, I'm not stupid_

**Right. How is Lestrade?**

_How did you get your mobile back?_

**Avoiding the question. It is simple to get back my mobile from Molly. All I have to do is offer a kiss. Simple.**

_Ah_

**Please do not share this information with Lestrade. I know he will try to read your text messages.**

_Do you really think so little of me that I would go around blabbling it to people?_

**No you are the most loyal of friends, but I am warning you that Lestrade likes to read text messages over people's sholders.**

_I haven't told you where I am staying_

**I know it is Lestrade, just do not tell him that I know.**

_I promised the person that I'm staying with that I wouldn't tell you where I was staying and you know that I keep my promises_

**Of course, but does your 'friend' really think he or she could fool the greatest consulting detective in the world?**

_That is irrelevant. I made a promise and I intend to keep it_

**Whatever. You are loyal to a fault.**

_Also you are the only consulting detective in the world, therefore you can't be the greatest_

**I am still an amazing detective, would you not agree?**

_You are an amazing detective, yes, but with the logic you are using you could also be the worst consulting detective in the world_

**You cannot say anything Watson, you have a hard time spelling words, let alone making simple deductions.**

_No need to get grumpy I was only teasing. What have I misspelled?_

**When you write your blog you always have red lines underneath several words.**

_Those are drafts not the actual blogs themselves. There's a difference_

**You still cannot spell. It is a clear fact**

_I am sorry that my joke earlier hurt your feelings but lashing out at me isn't fair_

**Your comment did not affect me. You are far too sensitive.**

_No I'm not. I have normal human emotions_

**They are just a nuisance. **

_Fine_

**You are being dramatic.**

_And you are being a jerk_

**That is your opinion.**

* * *

So this was the long awaited chapter, again sorry it took so long. I hope it was worth the wait.


	21. Mutual Understanding

So I really, really need to apologize for my lack of posting, it is mostly due to a massive job search and ducktiny and I agreed to have her post her next chapter first, which she has, so now I can post this. Anyway I want to say thank you to all the awesome readers that are out there reading this and favoriting it and whatnot.

Disclaimer: If I owned _Sherlock_ I would be best friends with Martin Freeman, I am not best friends with Martin Freeman therefore I do not own _Sherlock_.

* * *

_How was your night?_

**It was enjoyable, somewhat. How was Lestrade?**

_I'm sure I have no clue as to what you are referring_

**Still keeping your lodgings a secret then. It is absolutely pointless. Tell Lestrade good morning from both Molly and I.**

_From both of you?;)_

**Yes. Why did you send me a wink?**

_No reason ;)_

**This winking does not relate to our conversation at all.**

_Of course not_

**If you are insinuating that Molly and I are more than friends, you are mistaken.**

_Do you kiss everyone that you are 'just friends' with_

**No. **

_Then are you sure that you are 'just friends'?_

**That is a complex question which I will refrain from answering.**

_Ha!_

**Ha, what? Do you think that you have cleverly deduced my feelings for Molly? You are wrong.**

_Then do tell me what I think your feelings are to Molly and how I am wrong_

**You believe that I have 'strong feelings' towards Miss Hooper, while in fact, my feelings for her are not akin to love, but more towards friendship and mutual understanding.**

_So you kiss people that you have a mutual understanding with?_

**You make it sound like I have kissed several people. You know that is not true. I am married to my work.**

_Generally people who are married don't kiss other people_

**You took my statement too literally. Molly and I both know I would be a terrible boyfriend, so I am saving her the burden of dating. We are just enjoying each other without the horrible dating business.**

_I truly don't know how to respond to that_

**Then I explained my situation sufficiently.**

_Right…_

**I just got word that the flat is still being cleaned.**

_Do you know when it will be safe to enter?_

**They estimated tomorrow morning.**

_Good_

**Will Lestrade be able to keep you?**

_I will be able to stay at my current location_

**I see. If Lestrade leaves unexpectedly text me.**

_How would I know if he goes anywhere?_

**Because you are staying at his flat. Do not play dumb with me.**

_I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about_

**God you are infuriating.**

_We've been over this. I promised not to say who I'm staying with and I don't break my promises_

**I understand you. But you are in fact staying with 'Greg' and you do not have to acknowledge the fact.**

_Uh huh_

**Right.**

_So what are you doing?_

**Sitting on Molly's bed talking to her while she is getting ready for work.**

_Oh?_

**What is the question to which you are asking?**

_No question, more along the line of commenting on your previous text_

**Molly wanted me to talk to her while she was getting ready and it would be improbable for me to talk to her while I was in the den.**

_What does getting ready entail?_

**Why are you asking?**

_Well, getting ready generally involves getting dressed_

**Oh I see… You believe I would watch Molly getting dressed, then you are mistaken.**

_I was only looking for clarification_

**Why do you need clarification on this matter?**

_Because your statement was vague and could have been interpreted in a manner that calls into question your statement about 'just friends' with Molly_

**I see and those quotation marks if meant to be witty are not.**

_Yeah they are_

**I find it to be derogatory.**

_I did not mean them to be that way_

**Yes, you did. You believe Molly and I are not 'just friends' so you are belittling my term for Molly's and mine relationship.**

_Do I think you and Molly are more than friends? I think it is highly possible. Was I purposefully attempting to belittle your relationship terminology? No. I was teasing, if it upset you then you should've told me sooner. Bye._

**You have a flair for the dramatic.**

**I do not get upset by your meaningless comments on my life.**

**God stop being a child John Hamish Watson. It is degrading to your character.**

**John please don't be upset with Sherlock. The only reason I'm okay with our relationship because it might turn into more. Sherlock is very slow with type of stuff. -Molly**

_I know. I just don't like being called on the carpet for something that wasn't supposed to be hurtful_

**He is a little grumpy today. He is still in his dressing gown.**

_Yeah he does that from time to time. I probably could've handled it better but I didn't sleep well._

**Oh? What happened?**

_I'm currently sleeping on a sofa and a narrow one at that_

**I see. Sherlock has not said where you are staying.**

_He doesn't know. Part of the condition of me staying here is that I can't tell Sherlock where it or with whom_

**Oh, that is a weird condition.**

_Well this person doesn't want Sherlock to know where he/she lives and if you know this person then it makes sense_

**I think I know who you are talking about.**

_So does Sherlock, but I promised not to tell…_

**Oh of course not, I just deleted the text.**

_Thank you. So what is Sherlock up to?_

**He is laying on the couch in an awkward position and complaining about you.**

_Is he saying anything interesting?_

**Well, he is calling you rude names.**

_That sounds only slightly out of character for him. You should hear what he says when I bin his cigarettes _

**I bet that would be enjoyable lol.**

_He gets very creative with adjectives_

**I bet.**

_Has he gotten to the point where he's maligning my sister's character?_

**Yes, I yelled at him and he actually apologized to me.**

_Nice!_

**Thank you.**

_No problem you have skills_

**I think its because he knows I will stop kissing him if he is rude. I have a little control ****.**

**Molly can't control me-SH**

_Ok_

**So you are no longer cross with me.**

_No, are you with me?_

**I never was.**

_According to Molly you were saying rather rude things about me_

**Well I guess I will no longer let Molly steal my phone.**

_Sherlock, I could already tell that you were cross with me. Molly merely confirmed it_

**You actually made a valid deduction. Well done Watson.**

_Thank you Holmes _


	22. Sherlock Inhaled Some Fumes

Hi my dearest darlingest readers! I meant to have this up sooner but now that ducktiny and I are no longer in the same town it is harder to have to go over the final typed product. Also I am skilled at procrastination, so there is that.

* * *

**I am not a psychopath, I am a high-functioning grape. Do your research.**

_Sherlock, are you drunk? _

**No… I am not drunk, but I was conducting an experiment and the fumes have affected me. I find grapes fascinating.**

_What kind of fumes?_

**Uhhhhhhh I don't care. I feel good. It is good. Goooood!**

_Crap, are you at the flat?_

**Maybe. Lol. That term is fun to use… John I miss you. Your job gets in the way of us hanging out. Even though you have nothing important to say most of the time, you are still my friend. Molly is my friend too… Don't tell anyone shhhhh!**

_Dear Lord. Please tell me where you are. I'm leaving work_

**You're leaving! I am at the flat! Molly is coming to see me too! I want a donut! Get me a donut!**

_I'll get you a donut later_

**No… Now. Donuts now. I want food and you are denying my right to eat.**

_I will get you a donut on the way to the hospital_

**Hospital? No hospital! I don't need it!**

_Please? I'll buy you lots of donuts and Nutella_

**Nutella is the greatest thing ever! But no… I hate hospitals. I did jump off the roof of one.**

_Sherlock if you agree to go to the hospital I promise you won't go near the roof_

**No. I do not need a hospital.**

_Please?_

**Uh no! Haha I win!**

_What did you win? And how did you win?_

**I won everything! You can't make me go to the hospital sooooo I win!**

_What if I was in the hospital?_

**You're in the hospital? You are always in the hospital.**

_What if I was a patient in the hospital?_

**You are always a patient in the hospital.**

_So you wouldn't visit me?_

**I have visited you before! I'm hungry!**

_Hospitals have food. Anyway I'm almost at the flat_

**Hospital food is disgusting.**

_Yeah are you still at the flat?_

**No. You are not taking me to the hospital.**

_Where are you? I won't take you to the hospital_

**Liar.**

_I promise_

**Pinkie promise?**

_Pinky promise_

**Now you can find me!**

_Where are you?_

**You can figure it out.**

_At Molly's?_

**Yes! She keeps telling me to tell you where I am at, but you will take me to the hospital ****.**

_No I won't. I'm almost at Molly's._

**Fine…**

* * *

**[Back at the flat]**

_Sherlock where did you go? I left you alone only long enough for me to shower. Where are you?_

**You have to find me!**

_Why?_

**Because I am hiding.**

_Why are you hiding?_

**Because I want to.**

_Can you give me a clue?_

**No!**

_Why not?_

**Fine I am somewhere in the flat…**

_Are you under your bed?_

**Why don't you look…**

_Nope not there_

**You will never find me!**

_Are you behind the drapes?_

**Why would I tell you?**

_Because then I can find you and know that you are ok_

**Of course I am ok!**

_You inhaled fumes that are making you act a little strange and I'm concerned_

**I am fine just a little sleepy…**

_You're upstairs in my room aren't you?_

**I am not saying.**

_Ha! I found you! Why are you underneath my bed?_

**It is comfy and I am only going to text you because your voice is annoying.**

_It's dusty_

**Sooooo?**

_Sigh… can I get you anything while you are down there?_

**Molly. Lol no, milk. You are a good friend Jawn!**

_So you want milk? And why are you calling me Jawn?_

**Milk yes. Jawn is your name.**

_I'm quite certain my name is John_

**Nope it is Jawn! You know who is annoying? My brother, I hope he doesn't know about Molly, but he mostly likely knows… I will take away all his cake!**

_I don't think he would let you take away his cake. And if I'm Jawn then what's your name?_

**Sherlock Holmes of course or Lockie. Oh call me Lockie!**

_So I have your permission to call you Lockie at anytime?_

**Yes.**

_Awesome. So Lockie here's your milk_

**I love milk…Now you should call Molly.**

_Why?_

**Because I am bored and you are boring.**

_How am I boring?_

**You are just sighing, laughing and rolling your eyes at me. Boring!**

_My apologies that I don't amuse you_

**You should be sorry!**

**I'm sleepy go away!**

_Fine go to sleep_

* * *

**[Sometime later, still at the flat]**

**Why am I under your bed? God, what happened?**

_You don't remember?_

**I was conducting an experiment then I am under your bed. I deduce that I inhaled the fumes and the effect of those fumes caused my mind to go into a state of euphoria.**

_Very good. You hid under my bed while I showered and made me look for you_

**Did I do anything else that would tarnish my intelligence?**

_You insisted that I bring you milk, then you insisted that my name was Jawn, and finally you insisted that I call you Lockie. You even went so fa ras to say that I could call you Lockie anytime I wanted_

**Do not ever call me Lockie. I was under the influence of toxic fumes.**

_Fine. You also made me pinky promise to not take you to the hospital_

**Pinkie Promise? Dear Lord I was momentarily insane. I am glad you did not take me to the hospital. **

_It was the only way I could get you to come with me. Oh and I had to leave work early_

**I was truly in need of help. Did I do anything embarrassing in front of Molly?**

_Nothing that I saw or heard about_

**Good. I need a case.**

_Text Lestrade_

**Nothing. London without Moriarty is so bleak.**

_Excuse me?_

**Yes. There is no art to crimes without him, criminals just make stupid mistakes and are easily caught. There is no thrill.**

_Yes because strapping people to bombs is thrilling_

**It is thrilling. It was a brilliant game and it was fun.**

_I didn't find it so fun_

**I guess not being strapped to a bomb, but life was more exciting.**

_Sure_

**Are you out with your new girlfriend?**

_No I'm at the shops buying more milk_

**Did I drink that much milk?**

_No we are running low and I figured that I might as well get some while I was out buying you Nutella and donuts_

**Nutella and donuts? Why would I want that?**

_You demanded that I get them for you earlier_

**I am not even hungry.**

_Well I'm on my way home you don't have to eat them_

**I might taste some Nutella…**

_It's really good. Not as good as jam but still good_

**Hmm. I have tried some at Molly's once. She put it on my toast. It was good…**

_That's good_

**Would Nutella be good on a donut?**

_I would guess so_

**Hmm well I will have to try it.**

_You could also try and see what else Nutella is good on_

**Yes like an experiment.**

_Exactly_

**It will give me something to do.**

_That's good_

* * *

I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to get this up, but I hope that it was somewhat worth the wait. If you like it please to review, reviews guilt/encourage me to type up more chapters.


	23. John's New Girlfriend

Here I am again my dear readers, all the busy, busy things in my life have settled down and I will do my best to keep up with regular updates, but I will not make any promises.

* * *

_SHERLOCK HOLMES! Why on earth were you following Mary?_

**Apparently you are upset. You have been seeing Margaret for several weeks and that is a record for your girlfriends. I went to see who she actually is.**

_Mary, her name is Mary. And that doesn't explain why you were following her while she was shopping!_

**How did she know I was following her?**

_She's smart_

**Obviously, you were not this upset when I followed your other girlfriends.**

_No but I also never had to explain to them why my best friend was following them_

**Because they were idiots.**

_You think everyone is an idiot, that isn't an excuse!_

**It is your own fault. I want to know who she is and now I do. All you had to do was allow me to meet her.**

_You could've asked me to meet her, but no that's too boring for the great Sherlock Holmes, isn't it?_

**Yes. And your sarcasm is very amusing.**

_I really, really dislike you right now_

**When will I officially meet Mary?**

_What makes you think that I'm ever gonna officially introduce the two of you, especially after what you did?_

**I am your best friend and I should be able to meet a woman you care about.**

_You've never wanted to before_

**I know this Mary is different and you know that as well.**

_I do know that. If you're sure that you want to meet her I guess she can come over to the flat sometime_

**Good, I would be delighted to meet her.**

_You are being unusually nice. I'm guessing she impressed you_

**Not many people impress me, she only slightly impressed me.**

_How did she do that?_

**For one thing she was shopping for extensive works of literature on the research and development of medical science. She must be intelligent.**

_She is extremely intelligent. But having brains isn't enough to impress you_

**Oh you know me well John. She has a steady job, her past relationships do not cause me concern, and her past is clean, except for the death of her father in a car accident, but that is not a negative towards her character.**

_Brilliant absolutely brilliant. So how did you figure this all about?_

**Obviously she was able to buy books that were not part of her job, meaning that she has money to spend. She did not have a wedding band line on her left finger nor did she get calls or texts during her time shopping. She wears a bracelet on her right wrist which has a date and a name. The name is Henry Morstan obviously a father, could be a brother, but is the father. A woman would not know a bracelet that has her father's name unless he died.**

_Fantastic!_

**Thank you.**

_By the way did you really follow her into a lingerie shop?_

**Yes. That was a slight mistake.**

_A slight mistake?_

**Well, I had a shop attendant harassing me about buying something for my 'girlfriend'.**

_Did you wind up buying anything?_

**No. What would I do with women's lingerie?**

_How did you explain being in the store?_

**It was a weak excuse but I was more occupied with Mary. I said I was supposed to meet my girlfriend there and she did not show.**

_And the sales clerk believed that?_

**I am very convincing.**

_I guess so. But still that was a really bad excuse_

**Yes it was.**

_Did you know that Mary knew that you were following her?_

**I had a suspicion that she knew, but I did not think that she was that intelligent.**

_Nice, although I do want you to promise that you won't follow her again_

**Only if you promise that I will meet her in the near future.**

_Ok I promise that you will meet her in the near future_

**Then I will not follow Mary.**

_Good. When you do meet her try not to do the whole over protective friend thing you did with the last girlfriend of mine that you met_

**I can't promise that.**

_Why ever not?_

**You cannot control what I say. I can say whatever I want to Mary.**

_Well then can you at least promise to not threaten to have Mycroft 'disappear' her if she hurts me?_

**Fine, I will not say that.**

_No implying that either_

**You know me too well.**

_Or I know you just well enough _

**I guess.**

_Oh and just so we are clear you are not allowed to have anyone imply that for you_

**Fine.**

_Good now that it's all settled I'm almost positive that it won't be a complete disaster when you meet Mary_

**You are so paranoid about this meeting. It must be that you really care for her.**

_Yes I do really care for her. And you do have a habit of scaring away dates_

**Well they were idiots and you needed someone better since you have to date.**

_Hmm interesting_

**What is so interesting?**

_Oh nothing really_

**You are hiding something. Tell me.**

_I find it interesting that you think that I have to date_

**Well you do. Unlike myself, I do not have to date.**

_No I choose to date_

**But it seems like you cannot go a week without a girlfriend.**

_I enjoy dating_

**That is obvious.**

_And because I enjoy dating I choose to date_

**Right.**

_You don't believe me_

**I believe you.**

_Do you think Molly would like to meet Mary? The four of us could go to dinner_

**Why would Molly want to meet Mary?**

_Because Molly is my friend too_

**I guess, but you are suggesting that I would 'double date' with you. Molly and I are not dating.**

_You don't have to think of it as a date_

**Then what is it?**

_An evening out with friends_

**That would be better than a date.**

_Excellent. Do you want to ask Molly or should I?_

**I can ask Molly. Why would you ask Molly?**

_Is there something wrong with me asking Molly?_

**No, you are her 'friend' of course you can ask her, but I would rather ask her because of our mutual understanding.**

_Of course_

**Why did you suggest that you would ask Molly, since you avoided this question the first time?**

_I wasn't certain if you would be comfortable asking her. I was being polite_

**Why would it be uncomfortable?**

_Never mind_

**Fine.**

* * *

Be sure to stop by ducktiny's story and read her new page.


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